chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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