at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
