Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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