I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Randomize
