Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
