My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
