he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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