Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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