I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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