Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
