At least make sure they are 18
Why
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
