Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Randomize
