Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
