Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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