Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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