got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
