Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
