question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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