You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
