Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
