you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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