First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
