I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
