I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I could make wine with my vomit
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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