my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
