I met the friendliest cop last night
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
