I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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