Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
