Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
