Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
