She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
