I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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