Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
