i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
