Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
is that a dick in a sweater?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
