I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
