Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize