i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
