I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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