This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just cut my nipple shaving
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just forgot I was standing up.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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