I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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