My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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