Apparently you make a good broom.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
