My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
