I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
vagina is talking i cant
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
