my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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