I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
