even my farts smell like vagina
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
