I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
