ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
