At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
this is an emotional support booty call
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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