I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
