I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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