its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
