Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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