I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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