it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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